I sent this to a few friends I've been missing earlier today, then figured it's a pretty universal message, why not post it here? Therefore, behold:
Hey guys, it's been a long time, and in the winter hibernation I feel like we've lost touch with some of you and that makes me cry myself to sleep at night and sing to my cats more than usual. they don't like my james taylor impression, sadly, so the situation is less than ideal for all those concerned, including yaakov, who spends his time staring far into space while nursing a pipe and rambling occasionally about esoteric concepts in chassidut. i've been watching "heroes" which i'm starting to believe is less than ideal as well (what the hell is the blonde mom's power? being a violent schizo?), though i've recently discovered a handy super-power i possess: invisibility at work. It makes them give you much less to do. The trick is to sleep all day for over a week due to a mysterious virus that produces a crushing headache and nausea and NO I AM NOT PREGNANT, thank you very much coworkers, doctors, friends, Romans, countrymen--don't you think I would have considered that prospect myself?
ANYWAY, my evenings are spent screaming obscenities at my hapless co-star playing my schmuck of an ex-boyfriend, rehearsing the upcoming play I'll be in, starting next week. I've attached some of our publicity shots. I'm having a lot of fun with it, both due to the obscenities and because I get to wear a blonde wig, and as we all know, that instantly guarantees more fun for everyone concerned. sometimes i have so much fun as a blonde it makes me want to do ridiculous things in public, wear ill-fitting little dresses, ignore my loved ones, check into rehab, and shave my head. but only sometimes. I need sleep.
Yaakov, by the way, is doing great. He loves yeshiva and has moved up from the 2nd to 5th gemara shiur in just three months, which is like a world record or something, it's supposed to take at least two between each level. A genius, that one. but y'all, he's so scruffy. he won't shave because supposedly he's Chabad (NOT Lubavitch, bitches) and Meni said so but I call bullshit, I think it's because he's just lazy and they're conspiring against me to slowly crush my spirit through raging neckhair. but I will NOT BE DEFEATED. I'm going to go about this Delilah vs. Samson style, knaamean? I mean, it's time to shave when Sammy the Big Giant Fluffy Black Man Cat is starting to say "Damn, you are one hairy motherfucker," attempting to groom him as one of his own. There is a LINE. There is also a PINK BIC RAZOR. I'm just SAYING. He's driving me to it, I swear.
Hey guys, it's been a long time, and in the winter hibernation I feel like we've lost touch with some of you and that makes me cry myself to sleep at night and sing to my cats more than usual. they don't like my james taylor impression, sadly, so the situation is less than ideal for all those concerned, including yaakov, who spends his time staring far into space while nursing a pipe and rambling occasionally about esoteric concepts in chassidut. i've been watching "heroes" which i'm starting to believe is less than ideal as well (what the hell is the blonde mom's power? being a violent schizo?), though i've recently discovered a handy super-power i possess: invisibility at work. It makes them give you much less to do. The trick is to sleep all day for over a week due to a mysterious virus that produces a crushing headache and nausea and NO I AM NOT PREGNANT, thank you very much coworkers, doctors, friends, Romans, countrymen--don't you think I would have considered that prospect myself?
ANYWAY, my evenings are spent screaming obscenities at my hapless co-star playing my schmuck of an ex-boyfriend, rehearsing the upcoming play I'll be in, starting next week. I've attached some of our publicity shots. I'm having a lot of fun with it, both due to the obscenities and because I get to wear a blonde wig, and as we all know, that instantly guarantees more fun for everyone concerned. sometimes i have so much fun as a blonde it makes me want to do ridiculous things in public, wear ill-fitting little dresses, ignore my loved ones, check into rehab, and shave my head. but only sometimes. I need sleep.
Yaakov, by the way, is doing great. He loves yeshiva and has moved up from the 2nd to 5th gemara shiur in just three months, which is like a world record or something, it's supposed to take at least two between each level. A genius, that one. but y'all, he's so scruffy. he won't shave because supposedly he's Chabad (NOT Lubavitch, bitches) and Meni said so but I call bullshit, I think it's because he's just lazy and they're conspiring against me to slowly crush my spirit through raging neckhair. but I will NOT BE DEFEATED. I'm going to go about this Delilah vs. Samson style, knaamean? I mean, it's time to shave when Sammy the Big Giant Fluffy Black Man Cat is starting to say "Damn, you are one hairy motherfucker," attempting to groom him as one of his own. There is a LINE. There is also a PINK BIC RAZOR. I'm just SAYING. He's driving me to it, I swear.
So this just in: as you know, we'll be in Balto for Pesach. We're swapping houses with the Frischlings, which means we get a Big Giant Gorgeous Victorian House + Car and they get a Pretty Lil' Nachlaot Apt the Size of a 1978 Pinto + Two Disgruntled and Increasingly Overweight Cats. So we're thinking, pending their permission if people are interested, of having a Little Get Together on Shabbat Chol Hamoed to see all of you, since we're not going to be coming in this summer due my snagging of the aforementioned REAL JOB. So let us know if you're up for that. Or down with that. What's up with that? Or dow--you know what? that's it. I need to get back to work. there are people depending on me to write them pretty things that will get them money to SAVE THE WORLD. that is my superpower. I write GRANTS using only the powers of my MIND and the computer and a great deal of chocolate. But since I can't send IMs telepathically or fly or regenerate cells, nobody gives a shit. Well one day I will show them, I will show them all....
Loving you and waiting to hear from you,
DeDe
