Deityblog

Okay. I haven't felt like doing this in a long time, but a lot is currently being reawakened in my life, so why not this? Plus, it's sad to just let things go static, as I'm quite afraid my thoughts are beginning to be. Today I actually caught myself planning the route I was going to take to throw something in the garbage. This is what it's become, everything but survival turned off, to get through the insanely busy days. Wow.
And the thing is, thos eof you who know me, if anyone is reading this, know that things are pretty damn wonderful in my life right now, honestly. Of course a lot is still hard cuz I'm still crazy and have a lot of shit to deal with, but who doesn't?
Marriage. Yaakov. Yaakov Yaakov Yaakov. We are our new occupation. This is such a total roller coaster, learning tons of new things about each other, about the way our minds work, our bodies work, our souls work. It's been intense. Eitan would say I'm saying nothing here, but it's also that we share a little corner of space somewhere in the universe now, and it's hard to bring other people there. Not that I don't want to show it to people, but it's our own language. Anybody else ever just get married and feel this intimacy you cannot begin to express? Before, I could tell you in detail what was going on in our relationship. Now, it's not "our relationship." It's us. Something like that, I don't know.

And I find myself wanting a baby. Really badly. Which I never have before, and know is totally out of the question right now, and actually offends some of my feminist sensibilities. I am not a baby machine, dammit!! I need to finish college and we can't afford it and it's just insane right now. But still.......either that, or a yellow lab puppy :-)

Gotta go, not sure when I'll be back, but this was nice.